Ask the Wiener King

After several inquiries regarding protocol, I wanted to encourage readers to feel free to submit their questions either online, via my Google account (wienerking@gmail.com), through Twitter or pee-mail.  I will attempt to respond to your messages as quickly as possible.  

During an stroll last evening, I picked up the following pee-mail message:

“Dear Wiener King -

I am a four year old doxie with an insatiable appetite.  My humans feed me kibble for breakfast and some treats after walking, but I find myself starving in the late evening.  How can I convey to them the seriousness of the situation? Thanks!

~ Starving in a Sundress”

I’ll politely ignore the ‘Sundress’ issue for now, although perhaps the problem with your humans is that they see you as a toy or lengthy doll that needs to be dressed up to fill a hole in their humorless lives. But I digress…  My resident food expert is my second in command, Otto.  Otto, would you care to comment on this challenge?

Thanks Charley and hello everyone.  A proven technique that I’ve personally employed time and time again is what I call the ‘bark-o-lounger’.  Here’s how it works:

1. Wait for your humans to get nice and relaxed, perhaps watching their favorite television program.
2. Proceed directly to your kibble-storage location.
3. Begin to bark.  A short and quick bark is preferred to signal urgency over emergency.  
4. Establish a consistent pace and continue unabated.  A 3-5 second interval works well.
5. Most humans will stop lounging and see to your needs.  When they enter, scratch on the kibble storage area and look them into the eye.  Eye contact is key to success.
6. Should they ignore you, walk into the room, give one short bark, and repeat steps 2 through 5 until fed.

Best of luck Starving and let us know how it turns out! ~ Otto 

Thank you Otto, and thank you for your question Starving.  Keep your messages coming and remember – only losers hate a wiener.